Allison’s Two Children

My oldest daughter, Allison moved back home, and I say moved back when I actually mean that she moved into the tiny house in my back yard, along with her long time boyfriend, their giant Mastiff, and their very teeny tiny Pomeranian. It’s been 2 months since their lives temporarily fell apart due to two crazies from a certain Idaho town known specifically for crazies. Who knew? They were able to recover some of their belongings thanks to the local PD arresting one of the ranting crazies for… well, being crazy! and they have seemed to have put the whole horrifying experience behind them and are moving on. It’s never easy starting over and downsizing as much as they had to in order to fit their family into the tiny house in my back yard, which they lovingly call home now. Back to the dogs that they call children/fur babies/spoiled rotten puppies. (Ok, that last one was me!) After Kylie re-homed her dog, Sox when she was so sick a few months ago and in July, we had to put our 15 year old family Shih-Tzu down, I was pleased, relieved, and super excited to have no dogs to care for once again, because let’s face it, your kids get them, but we all know who ends up taking care of them! I never realized how much work they were until they were all gone! Before I could even eliminate the family job position of “pooper scooper”, Allison was back and along came Rome, the Mastiff who forgets he isn’t a person, forgets to close his mouth, so giant buckets of slobber does not pour out, forgets that when he takes a seat on the couch, he will need to take in account that he will need more room than most people, and forgets that the wag of his tail can take out a small child. Then, there is Lacy, a snooty little Pomeranian who thinks the world is HER muse, not the other way around, who is a master escape artist, she can get under any fence or gate, only to freak everyone out while she out-runs any dog catcher on the planet… only to end up at my front door wondering why no one has let her in yet! She is a real piece of work. I spent all day Monday vacuuming dog hair from my couches, mopping drool off my floors, and I knew it was time to put my foot down before I got the crazies too! NEW RULE: The dogs needed to stay out in their tiny house or in the backyard. At the beginning of the cleaning rampage, I was hot with livid fury, as the rain poured down and continued, I imagined that giant dog and pretentious,”I am too good for this tiny house” Lacy cooped up and I felt kind of bad. Then their parents let them out, and I have to tell ya, it was hard watching their sad, pathetic faces at my back door, while it continued to pour down rain, regardless of their perfectly lovely dog house. The next morning, I had a change of heart, maybe just let them in occasionally was my first thought. That would be fair, was my second thought, so in they came and Lacy immediately threw up on my rug. Needless to say, I don’t feel bad for their sad little needy faces at my back door anymore, but I think I have finally accepted the simple fact that “some kids give you grand babies while some kids give you dogs that they call grand babies”~AM

Please?

I am asking for thoughts and prayers from friends, family, and all my readers today.  

“Taking a stand, putting in the work, and staying persistent while adhering to a good, moral compass and expressing genuine kindness without judgement is all key to my recipe for success today.”~AM

Gratitude, Love, & Tiny Teachers

I had the greatest Thanksgiving holiday. I came to realize that regardless of the hustle and bustle of family life, the daily fights over bathrooms, clothes hanging in every corner in my house where there is a rod or a hook, cleaning up after one meal, only to start a new one, tired & cranky teen shift workers just coming off the graveyard, every car we own needing new tires, worrying about teens driving on possible icy roads with crappy tires, the one hour of panic first thing when the Traeger wouldn’t turn on to cook the turkeys, yes! Turkey(s) as in two of them… The boys fixed it in no time & believe it or not, three days later, both turkeys picked clean!, wet towels everywhere, washer, dryer, dishwasher, and my oven all deserve some type of appliance of the year award, I don’t think they had stopped running once, there was a little drama, but lots of love behind it, a few misunderstandings, a couple birthdays, Happy Birthday, Dad & Denise!, a baby boy was brought into our world, not Jesus, but just as precious… come on people I am talking about Thanksgiving week, not Christmas!!!, Congrats to my brother and his beautiful family!, dog slobber is everywhere in my attempt to avoid confrontation because having loved ones close is actually more important to me most of the time, we missed a few, but also gained a few, Kylie was remarkably better all weekend, only a headache to mention which contributed to the cranky teens cited above. They still don’t have a verdict of boy or girl, but she actively started to feel her little peanut moving around inside her belly. She said it’s strange because once she realized one little movement, she feels it all the time now. I smiled as I bottled that moment in my memory. If you have every been pregnant before, you know exactly that moment, and I am over the moon that I had the privilege to be there when she learned the very first of many things that her child will ever teach her. Regardless of all this hustle and bustle, I am so greatful for having the ability to live in the moment of it all. I am especially grateful for having eager-to-shop teens willing to go snag some smoking good Black Friday bargains for me. Those prices are unbeatable having so many to buy for! I am so greatful for the lessons I have learned also. I spent a lot of energy keeping kids focused on the tasks at hand, in retrospect not really sure why this was so important. I worried about the many hours of video gaming eventually sucking their brains out. Their brains are still in tact as of this morning! A misunderstanding almost propelled me into a situation, that thank goodness, I realized early on that it really didn’t have anything to do with me. Resulting in only a few tears. Hard to believe I was actually worried about other’s intentions, as if it even matters to me. Damn those codependent  tendencies! In the big scheme of things, the truth really is that my family was here with me, thank you for secretly holding my hand (you know who you are) when I wanted to hang my head and cry, and when the ones who couldn’t be here sent well wishes anyway, and the ones that stopped in just to make an ornament and share a memory, made me happy and filled me up with the greatest love that is possible. Definitely the greatest holiday so far, even with the daunting task of housework to be done in the week ahead. 

“Let’s watch our hard work at the beginning of the week payoff when we have to create new goals & have many wet towels to wash at the end of the week”~AM

Date Stamped!

“As a codependent person, I have effectively created a world that revolves around me.” ~AM

Wait for it… as my pedestal flails a bit, I become anxious because the truth is, I know exactly what is about to happen. The world around me gathers centrifugal force and I am reluctant to face a knock on the door. One more crisis will easily knock my pedestal over, so I am on the defense!

I am not going into detail about how I just want to feel good again, because the purpose of this is to create a “date stamp” for myself. I want to remember exactly how I feel about myself right this second with the world solidly revolving around me outside my door, steadily building centrifugal force, one crisis at a time. How could my intentions before be to live a better life, build a stronger pedestal? Note for my “date stamp”: My actual intentions never even came close to that!

All I know is that right now, right this second, I am seeking ways off this rickety pedestal, quick! & “Date stamped”!

I am not going to just replace the weathered or the most urgent parts for now. I will start at the bottom,and most difficult and I will replace one part at a time, one small piece at a time. I am scared as it may crumble completely during construction or whenever I face the un prepared-for crisis at the door, but it’s time to move on. Time to own my centrifugal force that I have created, aim just a little bit closer to me, aim a little closer to the that line. 

My new learned lessons:

1.  Sometimes good intentions aren’t always good for everyone.

2.  Centrifugal force is not a good thing when you have created a world that revolves around you and you are its axis.

3.  It’s easier to face the door and deal with it rather than try and recall what exactly led you to be afraid to answer it in the first place!

After all new lessons applied and upon answering the door, I was seriously relieved, but kind of sad that no one was there.

Change Is The Key To A Fairytale

Once upon a time there was a Queen of a great castle far, far away. Every morning as the Queen woke from her slumber, she went about her great bedroom tidying here, and tidying there. Everything must be in its place, big and small. Even though the Queen of the castle had others to do the tidying for her, she insisted that she was the only one far and near that could do an exceptional job. 

When the Queen had finished, she moved on to the rest of the castle dusting, scrubbing, and scurrying about. Before she knew it, the Queen had realized that the sun for the day was nearing the horizon and it would soon set. 

As the Queen lay her head for the night, her exhaustion turned to sadness when she realized that she had done nothing else that day, but care for her castle. She told herself that her little princess couldn’t have missed her, her socialites didn’t need anyone to socialize with, and her business interests could continue business without her. They would just need to wait until the Queen’s exhausted slumber was over. After all, she thought, the sun would rise again, and tomorrow is a new day.

It was a grand plan and very well intentioned. The sun did rise again, as the Queen began to tidy her room, she realized that if she kept on with the same, day after day that her tomorrow would never come!

“Change is the magical key for a new fairytale tomorrow”~AM

Raging River

His demeanor is valor worthy, as I read the pain on his face from time to time. 

Lopez recently experienced the first process of custody by means of an informative class to be followed by a mediation with a “mediator”- (as in what the what are her credentials, because last time I checked, bullying a 17 year old may or may not have consequences) and of course his baby’s mother was there too, face to face. The mediator felt perplexed enough to ask him why he wouldn’t just be grateful and take weekends and holidays once in awhile, because he is a “father” and that’s what he should expect… Unfortunately, we will be going to trial with only the best custody attorney! Unfortunate because next available trial isn’t until February 2016.

As proud as I am that he stood his ground, I wish he would have spoken his true feelings. He worries every day for his child’s well being while his baby is in his mother’s care. Reasons for this are as follows:

1.  She has previously been found guilty of injury to her first child whom she no longer has custody of. (Public Record)

2.  She has had or currently has a warrant issued for her arrest. (Public Record)

3.  She has been unable to meet his child’s basic needs.

4.  She was 23 years old when he was only 16 when his baby was conceived.

Because of  reason #4, we have become his baby boy’s advocate as Lopez is 18 now, with his baby boy’s half sibling on the way, which invests us even more.

Dear Lopez, We promise to fight for your rights as a father and the welfare of your child. We wil never back down, ever! Try not to be sad when her spite prevents you from the missed milestones that are evident and come to fruition, every single day. Your good intentions will prevail.

“The tears from your past left a raging river to cross.The present swim is too cold, don’t be tempted by loss.The bridge you built is admirable, but less than lean. Just simply take my hand and cross with me” ~AM

Today’s Accomplishments

“The only way to accomplish anything in this life is to live and breathe it every single day”~AM

Twice per year since Kylie and her brother were babies themselves, we have driven to Boise for the metabolic clinic. A specialist would fly in from Portland for a complete checkup for the two of them. Yesterday was the first appointment in years that the metabolic team actually gave us compliments for managing their blood values so well in the past few months.

Kylie knew when she got pregnant that it would take hard work and daily perseverence to keep her phenylanine levels low enough to have a healthy baby. It has been so hard and without the placement of the feeding tube, I am not 

sure how it could’ve been accomplished. It has been accomplished for today, at least. We probably won’t be doing any kind of celebrating because we still have a long road ahead. It’s just nice to celebrate the milestones today and once in awhile along the way!

  Baby Lopez is the size of a “lime”