Everyone must decide whether they will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the dark of destructive selfishness.

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

Crossing That Line

Have you ever noticed that we all get so excited about telling stories regarding other people?  Most people simply regard these “stories” as gossip, and usually they are JUST gossip.  What if the story involves someone that you care about, and its topic is your best friend’s grief.  Either someone close to this best friend died, or maybe a long time companion, such as a dog or a cat… why are we all so eager to share someone else’s grief with others?  Do we care about our best friend’s grief simply because we care about them and need others to share with in order to eliminate that grief?  Some are guilty of using others’ grief in order to feel better about themselves and it has nothing to do with the person who actually deserves the attention. Do you know where the “line” lies between a caring best friend and a codependent best friend?

Feeding One’s Appetite for Codependency

I have given so much of myself the past few weeks that I didn’t realize the stress on my plate began to get really hard to swallow. The worst part of it is that everything I did to create that stress were things I did for others, not even my own kids. Is it necessary to hurt others you love in order to feed one’s appetite for codependency? I was so stressed that everything that had been silently irritating me about my kids came spewing out of my ugly mouth uncontrollably. It was easy, because after all, I don’t need THEM to feed my codependency. They already know me and love me all the same. Then I thought, what kind of healthy, non codependent things that I could do for my kids without expectations of receiving good feelings about myself in return? How can I use this as a tool to help me deal with others that aren’t so close to me? 

Sincerely saying “I love you” and “I am sorry, I made a big mistake”… instead of buying them gifts or trying to make up for lost time by doing something for them. 

Please let me know if anyone has any other ideas. Let’s help each other if we can find a moment in our crazy day!

Intentions and Expectations

I created this blog for you! I invite everyone to post your everyday issues and comment on mine without any expectations of feeling good about what you have done today, or any other day.  After all, if you posted your daily accomplishments on FaceBook or told your sister, neighbor or best friend that you were supermom/super wife today and did an art project with your toddlers, accomplished 4 loads of laundry, prepared dinner already and its only 2 p.m! That would be a great thing to feel good about, for sure!  However, we need to start feeling good about accomplishing these things simply because we love feeling pride for ourselves.  These everyday accomplishments define part of who we are. I mean, come on! Did you truly do all of that laundry to make your best friend jealous because she didn’t have as much energy or love for her family as you did today?  We DO NOT NEED anyone else to justify this for us.  You can vent or you can brag, just don’t expect anyone to care and you too can begin to heal your addiction to others!