She writes and writes day after day… It occurs to her that she should have some limits because when she writes,time does not exist. Her secret love affair is the epitome of limits. After all, in order to keep a secret, one must limit truth or completely omit it. He almost has everything she has ever wanted and dreamed of. From beginning to end, he is almost perfect in her eyes. From time to time, she gets lost in him & loses track of time. When they are interrupted, she is sad, but relieved. She usually needs time to organize the thoughts going on in her head. Drunken with words, she slowly closes her laptop, writing ceases for the day & her secret love affair ends…
Hopelessness, uncontrolled feelings up and down, tears at the drop of a hat, elation from an endearing text message received leaves her feeling a bit empty today. She searches for the root of her loneliness & reminds herself that codependent induced validation has an expiration date & will leave her feeling emptier when it can no longer be heartfelt. It’s alright to mourn loss & it’s alright to feel pride as her beloved children leave home & begin their own lives. It’s alright to feel lost in one’s self today, and maybe tomorrow too.
“Embrace these changes” with feelings as if one doesn’t need to have approval from others for validation, she tells herself over and over again. Be prideful, be excited for your children’s future through their eyes as if you were 18 years old again! She doesn’t do this to feel better about herself, she does this because this is truly how she feels about the beautiful girls she helped raise.
It’s time for her to finally be excited about her future as a mother without babies. It’s time for HER dreams again. Even though it took a village to raise her babies, she will not need others to obtain everything she wants for her own future as she fights the allure of codependency today, and maybe tomorrow too!