“As a codependent person, I have effectively created a world that revolves around me.” ~AM
Wait for it… as my pedestal flails a bit, I become anxious because the truth is, I know exactly what is about to happen. The world around me gathers centrifugal force and I am reluctant to face a knock on the door. One more crisis will easily knock my pedestal over, so I am on the defense!
I am not going into detail about how I just want to feel good again, because the purpose of this is to create a “date stamp” for myself. I want to remember exactly how I feel about myself right this second with the world solidly revolving around me outside my door, steadily building centrifugal force, one crisis at a time. How could my intentions before be to live a better life, build a stronger pedestal? Note for my “date stamp”: My actual intentions never even came close to that!
All I know is that right now, right this second, I am seeking ways off this rickety pedestal, quick! & “Date stamped”!
I am not going to just replace the weathered or the most urgent parts for now. I will start at the bottom,and most difficult and I will replace one part at a time, one small piece at a time. I am scared as it may crumble completely during construction or whenever I face the un prepared-for crisis at the door, but it’s time to move on. Time to own my centrifugal force that I have created, aim just a little bit closer to me, aim a little closer to the that line.
My new learned lessons:
1. Sometimes good intentions aren’t always good for everyone.
2. Centrifugal force is not a good thing when you have created a world that revolves around you and you are its axis.
3. It’s easier to face the door and deal with it rather than try and recall what exactly led you to be afraid to answer it in the first place!
After all new lessons applied and upon answering the door, I was seriously relieved, but kind of sad that no one was there.