I have spent the past couple of days with a broken heart and ran mascara. I am sincerely touched by all of your letters. Many of my readers emailed letters from other family members which made me realize how important it was for me to read every single one. I chose one that I was hoping I could share in order to bring a voice to the pain I have literally felt through all of your letters in your own words.
For my sweet Addyson,
You don’t know me because I just found out that I am your dad. It makes me sad when I think of everything I have missed out on the past 5 years of your life. I have missed out on loving you and I can’t help but wonder if maybe me and your mom could’ve worked things out if I knew about you. Most of all, I missed out on the chance to take care of you in every way. I know I would’ve taken those extra shifts to buy you everything you needed.
Even though your Mom kept you from me, I respect her for taking care of you the best way she could. I want you to know, Addy that you the most important little girl in my life from this day forward. I am fighting to have you in my life. I am fighting for my right to provide for you. I am your dad and your mom can’t take that away from us. Even though we haven’t met each other yet, I love you so much. Love, dad.
I also wanted to share one more thing. Regardless of helping care for Kylie’s daily health issues, going to school full time, and working, Lopez has his son on his mind constantly! It’s been over a month and his baby’s mother is still refusing visitation. This is what Lopez posted yesterday:
I cant wait for my baby boy to get his present from his daddy!(:
It is really difficult to keep faith in a goal that continues to prove setbacks every single day. Of course paternity would become an issue now. She sure didn’t contest paternity when she was asking him for money and diapers everyday.We predicted it from her and this only means more money and stress for Lopez’s custody process.
My faith in the process was tested when I walked in and Kylie was holding her husband’s head as he cried. It never occurred to them that he wasn’t his baby’s father and the accusations that hurt him deeply were so evident. I wanted to just protect them from that hurt and just let it all go.
I have had these same thoughts early on in Kylie’s pregnancy. Giving up seemed the only option at times and her joy was the only thing that kept my faith in the process.Ironically, now I find myself taking faith in their sadness instead of their joy.
These moments are bringing them closer together. Their love together, their joy together, and their sadness together is ultimately helping their dream of a family come together, one setback at a time!
Once upon a time there was a Queen of a great castle far, far away. Every morning as the Queen woke from her slumber, she went about her great bedroom tidying here, and tidying there. Everything must be in its place, big and small. Even though the Queen of the castle had others to do the tidying for her, she insisted that she was the only one far and near that could do an exceptional job.
When the Queen had finished, she moved on to the rest of the castle dusting, scrubbing, and scurrying about. Before she knew it, the Queen had realized that the sun for the day was nearing the horizon and it would soon set.
As the Queen lay her head for the night, her exhaustion turned to sadness when she realized that she had done nothing else that day, but care for her castle. She told herself that her little princess couldn’t have missed her, her socialites didn’t need anyone to socialize with, and her business interests could continue business without her. They would just need to wait until the Queen’s exhausted slumber was over. After all, she thought, the sun would rise again, and tomorrow is a new day.
It was a grand plan and very well intentioned. The sun did rise again, as the Queen began to tidy her room, she realized that if she kept on with the same, day after day that her tomorrow would never come!
“Change is the magical key for a new fairytale tomorrow”~AM
It’s Monday again and regardless of it only being November 2nd, it seems the holidays are officially in full swing! I will admit that I love the chaos, endless baking, and the hustle and bustle!
Kylie has rounded the corner of her first trimester and her nausea and vommitting have only lightened due to having her PICC line being placed. Despite a few hiccups with the line, we are getting the hang of it! With less nausea and second trimester energy coming on, I can foresee a new challenge on the horizon. Cravings are hard to deal with being pregnant with Phenylketonuria (PKU). She is going to need to be more careful with the monitoring of her blood levels along with detailed nutrition journaling.
Kylie and Lopez went on their little overnight honeymoon Friday night courtesy of his parents. It was so special of them to give Kylie and Lopez an opportunity to have that experience and celebrate their union with each other before baby comes.
With my kids up to their eyeballs in Halloween candy and the holidays officially in full swing, this week is bound to bring me sheer joy or a headache! Either way, I won’t give up and I will try my hardest not to fall from my pedestal that might need some repairs today!