Her Joy, My Fear

In most cases, a parent can imagine the flood of emotions they experience when their healthy, ambitious eighteen year old daughter comes to them with news of an unplanned pregnancy. Every dream for her future that had been nurtured and promised to her since she was a tiny little girl… crumbled in a single three word sentence, “I am pregnant”.

In my case,the emotions were very similar, however my eighteen year old wasn’t healthy and her pregnancy was planned. I was mad at her for being reckless. I was mad at myself for not doing something that I am not even sure I could’ve done. There was a moment when I looked her in the eyes and I could literally feel the joy she held deep inside and I was mad that I couldn’t share that with her. As a mother of a daughter with Phenylketonuria (PKU) who had been told  her whole life that she should consider adoption for her future because of all the risks involved, I was blind to see any joy in this up hill journey that we were all about to embark on.

I will continue to struggle every day to find the joy she so desperately wants to share with me simply because as her mother, I can’t stop the fear that has taken a firm grip and continues to squeeze me tightly.

It’s time to get ready for a new baby in the house and share the joy, because it’s coming despite the risks and the fear!


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